Marriage is all about two becoming one. What this simply means is that you no longer live as two separate beings, but as one. It means that you no longer think about yourself, you now think about your spouse. It means that in all that you do, the interest of your spouse must be paramount. It simply means that in all that you do, your spouse must be factored in it. In fact, in marriage, you are supposed to consider your spouse first before yourself. Marriage is about sacrificing for that man, that woman you said “I do” to. You are supposed to work towards what will benefit both of you. In marriage, you should always think how what you do or say will affect your spouse.
What benefits your spouse will eventually benefit you. If your spouse is happy, you will eventually get a rub off of their happiness. If your spouse is sad, it will affect you eventually. Though it is true that each person is responsible for their happiness, you can make it easier for your spouse or more difficult by the way you treat them. No relationship or marriage can thrive with selfishness. If one spouse is selfish and the other selfless, the relationship will be lopsided and will have some problems. When both spouses are selfish, the marriage is going to be a total disaster and will certainly end in a divorce. But when both spouses are selfless, the marriage will flourish and be blissful.
I know that some spouses can be difficult to live with. I know some can be loving today and very hateful the next. I know that it can be difficult to be selfless towards a spouse who is selfish. I know how tough it can be to care for someone who does not care about you. I know that some people out there can have mood swings like a yoyo, but you don’t have to be like them; you can be different. Selfishness is at the heart of every separation, divorce, fights, arguments and physical or verbal abuses. Selfishness is at the core of being resentful and uncompromising. Selfishness is at the core of deliberately denying a spouse of sex or giving them the silent treatment. Selfishness is destructive; very destructive.
I know of people who keep good things away from their spouse because of selfishness. I know of people who do not want their spouse to prosper because of selfishness. Selfishness must not be given any space to thrive in a relationship or marriage that wants to thrive.
The thought of a selfish spouse is always about me, myself and I, and these is the unholy trinity. A Selfish spouse is a loner, only thinking about what is in it for them. A Selfish spouse is always asking, “What about me?” Selfish people stink like rotten fish. You can never be successful or a good spouse if you are selfish. Anything that puts you at the centre of as the number one consideration is selfishness. Is there are perfect spouse out there? No! We all display selfishness from time to time, but to live perpetually selfish is what destroys marriages and relationship.
Selfishness and divorce
The more selfish spouses become, the marriage will suffer and is almost certain to end in a divorce. The more selfless spouses become, the marriage will flourish and be full of love. If just one of the spouses is selfish, the marriage may still work out, but will certainly have serious issues. All the divorces that have ever occurred is because of selfishness. When a spouse or both spouses are constantly thinking about themselves and how it is the other person that must adapt to them and what they want and need, they begin to amplify every little thing the other person does that is wrong and hardly ever gives them credit for whatever they say or do right.
Selfishness and giving
A selfish spouse finds it difficult to give. A selfish spouse will give only when they feel it’s convenient or when they have excess. A selfish spouse will only give as a duty or to fulfill all righteousness. A selfish spouse finds it difficult to give sacrificially. Selfish spouses also give with an aim of getting something in return; for them, there will always be strings attached. A selfish person is ruled by their emotions. They give when they are happy and when they are said, it becomes very difficult for them to give. Selfish spouses know how to keep a record of what they’ve given to you. Selfish spouses never want to out give; for them, their spouse should out give them.
Selfishness and manipulation
Selfish people are very manipulative people. Do you know that emotional blackmail and manipulation are direct symptoms of selfishness? Do you know that controlling people is also a sign of selfishness? When a person is selfish, they try to blackmail their spouse through emotions so they will be absolved of any blame and their spouse takes all the blames. When we talk about emotional blackmail, most people think of women, but the truth is that men also emotionally blackmail their spouses. While women usually use tears and sadness to emotionally blackmail their husbands, men use anger to blackmail and control their wives. When a person is selfish, they try to control their spouses. They always want to be in control of everything, depriving their spouses their right to individuality and right to chose.
Selfishness and apology
Selfish people do not like to apologize, even when they do, it is to make them look good. Some spouses do not apologize out of sincerity; they apologize so they can make reference to it later. Ordinarily, selfish spouses will never apologize because they never want to admit that they are wrong. For a selfish spouse, apologizing shows they were wrong and it makes them feel weak. A selfish person does not want to admit they’ve done wrong because selfish people have massive egos.
Selfishness and entitlement
A selfish spouse feels entitled. They feel they should always be at the receiving end. Whatever you give them, they feel they are entitled and that’s why they find it difficult to say thank you.
For couples to enjoy that giving and receiving balance in a loving marriage or relationship, they need to become more and more selfless by seeking ways they can do each other good without expecting in return. When couples live, committed towards making each other’s lives beautiful, they will begin to enjoy their marriage or relationship.