Everybody wants to be accepted
Who doesn’t want to be loved, appreciated and accepted? Everybody wants to be loved, everybody needs to be loved and that’s a fact. Being loved and being accepted and being appreciated are the purest and most delightful situation that anybody would love to be in, especially if they come from the ones we love and who love us. A husband’s delight is to be loved and accepted by his wife, and a wife’s delight is to be loved and accepted by her husband. What makes marriages and relationship worth it all is if the ones we are involved with accept, appreciate and love us back. There is an old song (I can’t remember who the singer is right now) with a line that goes thus, “it’s so good, loving somebody when that somebody loves you back.” This line in this song is supposed to be the experience of many wives and husbands, but unfortunately, it’s not exactly like this. There are countless women and men that are dealing with rejection from the ones they are in a relationship with or are married to. Feeling rejected by your spouse, fiancé or fiancée is a terrible feeling.
Marriage and acceptance
Marriage is supposed to be a union of two people who accept, appreciate and love each other. It is supposed to be a relationship of two people who value each other. If acceptance, appreciation and love are not involved in a relationship or marriage, then it is not worth it. If people who are just friends and family members could be accepted by people around them, why shouldn’t the ones we marry or are in a relationship with not accept, appreciate and love us? There may be times when communication breaks down in a marriage or relationship; there may be times when it seems as if all is not well in a relationship or marriage, but that should never lead to rejecting our spouses. There may be times of turbulence in a marriage or relationship, but that shouldn’t lead to a spouse rejecting another spouse. It is possible for a spouse not to be aware that what they are doing or not doing is making their spouse feel rejected. There are spouses who may be going through some private struggles, and because of that, they unintentionally withdraw from their spouse. Now, if the other spouse is not aware, or does not ask questions, they may erroneously conclude that they are being rejected by their spouse.
One of the definitions of rejection by Cambridge dictionary that is apt for this article is, “the act of not giving someone the love and attention they want and expect.” By this definition alone, it becomes easier to understand why a couple that feels rejected feels the way they do. Being rejected is one of the worst things any man or woman could ever experience because it makes you feel worthless and insignificant. Rejection destroys self esteem and creates insecurity in the one that has been rejected. Rejection opens the one that has been rejected to manipulations from the one who is rejecting. There are spouses, fiancés, and fiancées who have committed suicide because they were rejected by the ones they were either married to or the one they were in a relationship with. I have heard of some people becoming depressed because they were rejected by their husbands or their wives or the one they were in a relationship with. There are many people who are just existing in a relationship or marriage. Such people are confused and don’t know who and where to turn to. Some spouses, especially the women have suffered serious emotional, psychological or nervous breakdown because of this issue of rejection.
I have been accused by my wife sometimes of rejecting her; yet, I never had a clue what was going on. Women and men perceive rejection differently. For women, rejection is mostly about emotional intimacy, while for men it’s more of physical intimacy. The issue of feelings of rejection is one that must be dealt with quickly, because if it is not dealt with quickly, it could lead to other consequences. When you begin to feel rejected, there are practical steps you must take.
Ask and find out
You have to find out from your spouse if anything is wrong. Find out in a loving manner if there is any kind of issues they are dealing with that you are not aware of. Sometimes, demands at work, business, career or even academics, if they are studying can make people a bit withdrawn. Do not just draw up conclusions without understanding or knowing what your spouse is going through. They may be going through something that you are not aware of; it may even have to do with their health or finances. It may even be that they cheated and are regretting it. Also find out from your spouse if there is anything you’ve done or said that may have contributed to them being withdrawn. Whatever it is, just ask.
Let them know about your worries and insecurities
Look for an appropriate time, place and occasion to explain your worries and fears to your spouse. It may even be possible that your spouse is not withdrawing from you deliberately. It may even be possible that they are not even aware that they have withdrawn from you. Explain to your spouse how their actions or inactions are affecting you. Let them know how you feel. This is not the time to start accusing them or trying to blackmail your spouse. It is not the time to nag or complain.
Depending on the feedback you get from your spouse, if they actually have some personal struggles they are going through, then you have to show empathy. Let your spouse know that you care about them and that you understand the struggle they are going through (if they are going through any sort of struggle). Offer to help if there is really anything you can do.
One more step you must also take is to make sure that you don’t wait for matters to deteriorate next time before you ask your spouse